爱是永远不熄灭的光

#44 Thank you Lord

2009-12-17T15:37:00.002+08:00

Thank you lord, for placing him in my world, for allowing me to meet him. thank you for using him as a channel to comfort me whenever i'm down. thank you so much. i need to work hard, and stop being lazy. i can do it, i'm sure, with Your love and strength.

幸福摩天轮 - 陳奕迅

追追赶赶高高低低
深呼吸然后与你执手相随
甜蜜中不再畏高可这样跟你荡来荡去
无畏无惧天荒地老流连在摩天轮
在高处凝望世界流动
失落之处仍然会笑着哭人间的跌荡
默默迎送当生命似流连在摩天轮
幸福处随时吻到星空
惊溧之处仍能与你互拥
仿佛游戏之中忘掉轻重追追赶赶
高高低低惊险的程度叫畏高者昏迷
凭什么不怕跌低多侥幸跟你共同面对
时间流逝东歪西倒忽高忽低
心惊与胆战去建立亲厚关系
沿途就算意外脱轨多得你
陪我摇曳

my cousin used this for her wedding, so sweet! :)

#42 Hong Kong Day 4

2009-12-14T16:20:00.000+08:00

Day 4 – Hong Kong
02.12.09
Went out in the morning to go see mummy. 
Had lunch at maxim palace! Yum!
Went to ice skate at Megabox. Whoo! Before that we were at Telford plaza, and we took lots of photos! And some videos as well! Nice Christmas deco eh! Walked one round of Ki.La.Ra. but the one there is so small.  but still, I bought my first Ki.La.Ra. shirt there, so I’m happy!
Back to megabox! It is like ultra big, like all malls in hong kong, and super pretty! But the lifts are a fuss. -.- what take until ninth floor then must change to the other lift to go to another floor. BLEAH.
Finally went to megaice to ice skate. Fees there are super cheap. You can skate from 10am to 2pm for only 35hkd. About 7 sing dollars. UBER CHEAP CAN. Nobody to fight with you cos they’re all at school, plus free skates somemore. And they don’t force you to buy socks and gloves. Heh. Michelle and I went at about 3.30, they had a session from 2.30-5. For 50hkd. Slightly more ex, but still! :) had a happy time. Michelle did too I hope! Except that she spent half the time trying to balance heh!
Went to see this restaurant called taste of Singapore. Wahlao, the food menu pictures don’t even look nice. -.- only got this couple making out and playing with each other’s hair. Lol.
We went to eat macs, I had apple pie and half of the nuggets and the fries and the lemon tea. After that had cotton candy. The first girl who tried to make the cotton candy for us is a total failure la, voice so high pitched somemore haha. Then later another girl made it for us. 12 hkd, and it was watermelon flavoured. :/ michelle darling insists that it’s strawberry. I’d think not. We were made to finish it before we went up the shuttle bus, so we stuffed ourselves. Actually hor, before I even walked near the guard I already knew she wouldn’t let us up the bus. Hahah. I’m smart man. )
At night, went to Mongkok to meet my dad. Ate dinner, almost forgot to go to my cousin’s house heheh. Went there, their house is super modern and nice! Albeit a little smaller than I would like it to be. The house belongs to my cousin’s fiancé who is getting married on the 12th! And he is not allowed to sleep on the bed cos they aiya, dunno do what to the bed la. -.-.-.-.-.-.-.- 小孩子家家的，知道那么多干什么…. -.-.-.-.--.-.-.-
I gtg sleep already, its 12.11am and I have a plane to catch tmr! It’s EVA AIR!!! HOHOHOHO. I love myself. Good night! 

#41 Hong Kong Day 3

2009-12-14T16:13:00.001+08:00

Day 3 – Hong Kong
01.12.09
Went to Noah's ark at Lantau today. It’s at Mawan Island. Somewhere off hongkong. Something like Sentosa. Mostly it’s about the story of Noah’s ark and how God is always providing for us, and it lies in whether we accept his love.
Their food there is nice!  Their ark expo was the only thing worth seeing la, the rest is for little kiddies. 0.0 should have bought the 90 hkd one instead of the 100 hkd one. But still, it’s not bad. Keke.
Reached hongkong at around 6, wanted to go eat roasted pigeon with michelle but I had to go buy a dress and shoes! Partly for graces, partly for my cousin’s wedding on the 12th. Yay!  shall not spoil the surprise on how the dress and the shoes look like! But I must say the blue version of the shoes match my jeans PERFECTLY! Almost wanted to buy that instead. But the shoes are POOF. Super ex. Like ex until cannot ex. Okay la, got more expensive ones, but then! I’ve never bought such expensive dinner shoes before. And im only going to wear it like what, three times! If sports shoes still okay, cos can wear. But dinner shoes? Abit not worth it leh.
I’ve got a pretty dress…
I’ve got a pretty shoe, and I’ve got a pretty pretty press.
Doesn’t make sense. Oh well.

#40 Hong Kong Day 2

2009-12-14T16:08:00.002+08:00

Day 2 – Hong Kong
30.11.09
Woke up at around 8.30am, had Chinese tea for breakfast, the usual, didn’t eat a lot.
In the afternoon went to 新城市广场and 旺角to shop. My dad told me to wait until I get to Taiwan before buying the track pants, and it turned out that the salesgirl (freak her, P_))__>_) was so pushy that I had to buy it! So sorry daddy. 
Went to 旺角 and my daddy went to look at mountaineering stuff. Okay la, went to look at the shops but then not very nice, not my taste. Wanted to look at Ki.La.Ra. on the way to 旺角at 新城市广场but then my dad was angry at the track pants thing so I… and walked past. :’((((((
Okay la, so nothing much happened, went to my dad’s mother’s house, my mama there and fetched her to eat at the restaurant. Heh got photos! 
Went back very tired and full and happy!  took some photos of my presents though.

#39 Hong Kong Day 1

2009-12-14T15:59:00.001+08:00

Day 1 – Hong Kong
29.11.09
Arrived in hongkong at around 7.30pm, got my luggage and went to eat Ajisen ramen at the airport. It was okay la, not bad. When I was on the bus to my popo’s house in Shatin, there was this guy beside me who was watching 宫心计. Heh so cool!
Turned out that I missed 宫心计lor, it was the 大结局 and I have been trying to watch 宫心计on tudou ever since I knew about it. But so sad, I want the 贱人to win. Sometimes I cannot stand 佘诗曼hoho. I love the way 姚金玲becomes a 卑鄙小人. Lol.
Okay so the show ended with 郑家荣 and 佘诗曼 and their daughter dunnowhat花meeting and reminiscing about how they will have a pretty house with flowers (same type that their daughter is named) and lanterns beside their house. What a crap ending. I’m not amused. -][=
That night, I went to sleep peacefully before waking up at least 3 times with a cramping foot. Cos there’s this wooden plank that lifts my foot up and blood cannot get to my foot. :??/// so odd.

#36 When Distance Meets Hiatus

2009-09-02T21:14:00.002+08:00

I guess i havent been around for quite some time. not that anyone cares anyway. no one likes emo posts. but sadly, its only because im sad that i have time to post, that i dont feel like doing anything else. i was reading through sylvia's blog. i havent been reading her blog for like a year. weird huh, but i'm just not the type to go blog-hopping.
its kinda sad actually, when people around you leave, especially those whom you thought were the closest to you but they were actually not. i dont make sense do i? well, you'll never know.
secrets are meant to be kept, and sometimes the truth will shock all of mankind, curiosity kills mankind, for no one ought to know God's plans. however i plead with God, however i pray, I'm not so sure anymore that this is the route i want to take. I'm really not ready to get baptised next year.
its funny how i can feel happy in school. i feel tired yes, but at least i have company, i have sylvia to nag at, jessy to poke fun, make use of, amanda to pinch me, yvonne to just say the random "hellos", xujingying who always cant copy her notes fast enough, and lastly, my dear gee who will sacrifice everytime just for me. i love you gee, i love you forever. these 3 years of incessant bonding in school, cca, outings, i really couldnt do it without you. :)
lots of things are going to change next year. for one, i'm not staying in bs anymore. for two, i can't tell what else is happening. because every truth that you let slip, this metal chain around your heart tightens, this chain with a lock where its key is burnt in fire; once tightened, it can never be unlocked. i do not wish for myself to become a girl with hatred for God, with complaints for this world. Why couldn't I just have led a normal life?

My results are not as good as i expected them to be. sure, i improved greatly in my poorest subjects, but what use are they if i failed a double weightage subject? i just couldnt believe that i failed. i knew that i didnt study, i knew that i didnt work hard enough. being tired is just an excuse, sometimes i'd rather the whole human race throw stones at me and treat me as a fugitive. I don't belong here, I'm not worthy of others' praise. 我只有小聪明，却没有大智慧。what do i do? 坐以待毙。
but i cant do that. i need to be determined, i need to get that strength and drive to do what i loved to do last time.
when she was here, i studied hard, even though i hated it and her. when she's gone, however hard i study, i dont seem to get the results i want anymore. maybe its the foundation, its my lower sec days. i still remember her saying, "start now! It's not too late to start afresh." i ignored her, as i would have done in the other instances in those days. i never really knew how difficult it is, to live in a world without love. yes, auntie irene and auntie sauling are nice, but i can never pour my heart out to them and cry my guts out. I have a front to live up to. I have a duty to perform as a daughter. Whatever I do, I just wish for him to be happy. Let go, Eva. Let God take over.
But He never seems to listen.
Why am I even talking to myself. loneliness, craziness? maybe, i just lost my mind.
don't mind me, i'll be gone in no time.

#35 Just leave them there

2009-05-06T22:25:00.002+08:00

some things should just be left in memories, funny how memories cant be memorised. many a time memories just fade and slip away through the little nooks and crannies of your head, like fine grains of sand slipping through the gaps between my anorexic fingers. i'm just so bounded and tired by all these other unimportant things that sometimes i realise i don't even care nor think about you anymore.
我的心，好像被一团烈火烧剩了外皮。外皮上的神经细胞都已不能再感到任何触觉。这是当女儿应有的态度吗？不见得。但又为何，夜里哭泣的我，白天却是那么的冷酷，无情。到底是我的心已彻底的僵硬了，在也不允许任何人进入，还是是我那残酷的命运，不饶我，死到临头还是那么的无情，悲哀。
痛苦，又如何呢？

#34 妈妈，在那天堂里

2009-05-05T20:08:00.005+08:00

世上只有妈妈好
有妈的孩子像个宝
投进了妈妈的怀抱
幸福享不了
没有妈妈最苦恼
没妈的孩子像根草
离开妈妈的怀抱
幸福哪里找

妈妈在哪？
妈妈，在那天堂里

#33 我知道

2009-05-01T23:31:00.002+08:00

Dear Mummy,

从来沒想过
不能再和你牽手
委屈时候沒有你
陪着我心痛

一切都是我
太过骄纵
以为你会懂
一直忘了说
我有多感动

我知道你还是爱着我
虽然分开的理由
我们都已接受
你知道我会有多难过
所以即使到最后
还微笑着要我加油

我知道你还放不下我
才会在离开时
闭着眼沒有回头
我们都知道彼此心中
其实這份爱没停過

曾经完整幸福的夢
在脑海裡头
我多希望你
还在我左右

答应你我会好好过
不让这些眼泪白流 ...

love,
your dearest daughter

#32 Contradiction

2009-04-21T23:13:00.002+08:00

"my friends called me in a disappointed manner, said to me why the cello and bass section of nygh play until like that, it's very terrible, to the extent that it is so
cruel to all the other schools cannot even have a chance to smell the gold with honours, i think all of you have done a great job! Well done! I'm very proud of you..."

the above tenses edited. pardon the sentence structure. cant be bothered. -.-

so IDIOTIC. but i still love you mr lee. :)

#31 Boyfriend!

2009-04-21T22:40:00.001+08:00

Random - oh my Guo Chang is now my boyfriend =D

[Convo condensed for just main points]

Eva says:
wehre got

Eva says:
unless you want to be my boyfriend?

Eva says:
ahha

Eva says:
;)

'[ CHSCO | chunky | 荣誉.金 ] says:
LOLS U WANT ME AS UR BOYFRIEND?

'[ CHSCO | chunky | 荣誉.金 ] says:
serious or not?

Eva says:
what

Eva says:
i very bad meh

'[ CHSCO | chunky | 荣誉.金 ] says:
WOAH FIRST GIRL LEH

'[ CHSCO | chunky | 荣誉.金 ] says:
i mean like

'[ CHSCO | chunky | 荣誉.金 ] says:
ME?!

Eva says:
i mean like DONT YOU DARE

Eva says:
haha okay la

Eva says:
i dont mind

Eva says:
:)

Eva says:
okay from now on youre my boyfriend

pardon the multiple spelling mistakes! :P

#30 NYCO SYF

2009-04-21T21:11:00.002+08:00

nyco rocked the house downnnnnnnnnn!!!!
and we gott GOLD WITH HONOURS.
荣誉金！！yay i love nyco. :):)

today was fun! no lessons! arrived at 6.45, unpacked cello, brought it down.
raining, so no flagraising. received many well-wishes! thanks peeps!

after that had audi prac from 8-11, supposed to have xiaozu from 11-11.30, but dont have haha. then jiawen and dawn got new bows!!! super ex la, 1500 dollar bows. -.-

had lunch, then SLEEP TIME!!! couldnt sleep at all, then was super high and i kept laughing to myself, i also dunno why. =/ slept for 10 minutes i think.
then had dazu for awhile, then change and put makeup!
yay im so pro in putting makeup ahha. :)

arrived at SCH super fast la, the bus driver must know we're in a hurry. :)
waited for awhile. saw vsco, and BRYAN HENG. tsk.
never see me, only i see you. hmph.

then VSCO was laughing at our basses cos they say that our basses so small (? wtf?)
then this idiotic person wanted to pass through. and then the cellos got knocked over, and my bridge got twisted.LUCKILY GOT MR LEE LA. i love you mr lee haha. :)

waited for a while, move here, move there, went to tuning room, mr lee tune for us super fast la.

after that was interval time, then it was VS!!! not bad la, jiuge super nice. then mrs ee didnt allow us to listen. cos i think cannot mix culture with them haha! :)

chan ge.
first part not bad, i think it was quite zhun!
ahh the plucking part. the high B and the low B.
someone played before we were supposed to pluck! damn, like so sudden la.
i still think it wasnt too bad though.

CHUNNN!!!
taifeng like crazy. but my bow kept hitting xiongyue's chair.
and the first time when i was playing 167,my cello slipped then i was like trying to drag it up with my knees.
second time, my end pin totally piah, drop down. always liddat one. tsk.
hate you stupid cello.then no choice. i think suona super zhun. i think EVERYONE was super zhun, at least to my lousy ears (god blessed ears). 303 was a BLAST! :)

after playing, was super relieved, went off, packed our cellos, ate chicken pie plus red bean bun plus milo, took photos!

after that went in to listen to results, the usher counted 10 people, i was the TENTH one hahaha! :) saw BRYAN HENG AGAIN, he also didnt see me. so mean la.

NYCO GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS! 荣誉金！！！

felt so relieved. and cheered unite when we got outside. i think i kinda lost my voice. hugged lotsa people. :):)

i love you nyco!!!!

went to kap to eat until 9 haha.

i cannot believe that when we go to hcco 2 years later, the same ppl'll be competing with us during SYF again. well, that'll be another story altogether!

tata. see ya in 2 years time...........

#29 爱,被误之险

2009-04-19T16:19:00.002+08:00

爱,有被误会为滥好人之险;
但无论如何,神还是爱.
饶恕,有被误会为滥好人之险;
但无论如何,神还是饶恕.

#28 IH Blocks

2009-04-19T16:11:00.002+08:00

haiz. have been too busy to blog these few days.
haha on thursday night i finished doing the template and schedule for spotchecks! and i edited the demerit system SOP. :)

to clarence!!!PSC was super fun. too lazy to blog about it. so super long lah!so its gonna stay in my memory forever. :)

tmr'll be the last day i can mug for IH. somemore i have cca after sch, before sch.
tues is SYFFFF!!!!!
and wed i have chinese compo workshop (??what!! i suck at compo =/) dont know why yanglaoshi chose me.
after chinese compo workshop i have DENTAL APPT. well done man, and thursday is IH block test.
so dead LALALLALALA.

#27 惜花

2009-04-10T21:40:00.000+08:00

人如花飞云如短歌
谁曾爱我

时而风光时而坎坷
谁僯惜一个我

镜花岁月没法断绝
我心媲美是明月

情如孤舟愁如深秋
尘如初春雪

对酒当歌人生几何
花虽美
也在期待你留下结果

红如天色蓝如沧海
如何记载

时而光彩时而悲哀
如何等一刹爱

镜花岁月没法断绝
我心媲美是明月

情如孤舟愁如深秋
尘如初春雪

人如花飞云如短歌
谁曾爱我

时而风光时而坎坷
谁僯惜一个我

镜花岁月没法断绝
我心媲美是明月

情如孤舟愁如深秋
寒如深深雪

我发现原来一切凄美的事都是那么的吸引我
那又为何呢？

#26 流沙

2009-04-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

像水仙透香向风漂泊
流落岁月里静悄的荒落
从未让梦付托转眼过了半生
竟给你抹掉这份寥落

像远方透光满天星宿
遗落暗夜里为曙光等候

明白原来没法
将爱送到你手方知道
覆水早已难收

流沙走向他
跟我下沉吧
流沙爱下去
至死无话

若你给我的最深拥抱
难敌岁月里遇上的风暴

容貌若是渐老失散了也看到
跟你某日结伴同路多美好

流沙走向他
跟我下沉吧
流沙爱下去
至死无话

若你给我的最深拥抱
留在雪地里踏过的深度

容貌若是渐老失散了也看到
跟你某日结伴同路多美好

容貌若是渐老失散了也看到
跟你结局各自迟暮都美好

#25 Diseases?

2009-03-18T18:13:00.003+08:00

i just realised that it doesn't hurt. AT ALL. just a little dullness in the mouth. lol. and i also realised that i have a disease called HYPERMOBILITY which causes my flexible flat foot as well. and i also have crepitus, when i bend my knees they crack very loudly. and my teeth suck. and i get dandruff super easily because of my (dry/oily? i don't know which )scalp. and i have super thin skin on the places which are most exposed to constant rubbing and friction. yeah, look at the number of scars. haiz. OH WELL. can't do anything about it. HAH.

#24 Flag Day + Extraction horror

2009-03-18T14:37:00.004+08:00

so okay. how do i do it. morning tried to wake up at 6, ended up waking at 6.30. ho hum. dressed, ate a piece of bread. went to take 67, bus driver drive like snail liddat. so super slow. reached little india, took NE line to outram park station. turns out that exit B is at teh East-West line there, so dunno how, just went up to ground level and found the exit. lol. collected my tin, it's serial number is 1919! went to city hall, my 地盘 since young lol, my church is near there. initially asked for donations at the area after the escalators and before the main entrance of raffles city, right outside starbucks. got chased away by the security guard after awhile.

went outside at the taxi stand there, started asking for donations. initially the guy who was before me stood there without saying anything, and practically hid himself behind the pillar, so he didnt get any donations and i got all his "CUSTOMERS" hahahahahah. lousy la. =P then after that he got clever after he stared at me for about 5 minutes (i use my peripheral vision okay, never stare at other people like him) started asking whether people wanted to donate. so basically my line went like that "excuse me, would you like to donate" and give a dazzling smile for those who donated. for those who donated $2 and above, i gave them an extra mesmerizing smile haha! the power of a girl's smile. then i said "thank you, have a nice day". i realized that in contrast to normal perception, foreigners don't donate at all. -.- and coz i was standing at the taxi stand there, many taxi drivers donated! hahaha. after about 3 hours my legs were aching really badly, was contemplating whether to stop and have breakfast. it was like god's will like that, (not sure, shan't anyhow say ahha), then the security guard FINALLY came and chased me away. then i was like o.0 and went away.haha

met fangyu at mrt station, she called me haha, saying that outram nobody there. went to another exit the one leading to capitol centre, met jingyi, xichen and wanting. they wanted to go to the toilet in FUNAN! then i was like, isn't there a toilet in the mrt station. then they were like o.0 and followed me. dumped fangyu behind, so sorry! but she met her seniors anyway, and happily went away. -.-

went to burger king to eat. HAHAHAHAH. croissant'wich and hashbrowns and lemon tea and sundae pie. WHOO. i forgot my can when i left, then frantically ran back to the place. DAMN IM SUPER IRRESPONSIBLE. THATS FREAKING ALOT OF MONEY! =( got it back, thanked the people there, went back to outram, deposited the can and went to amk. de pacific dental people are really nice! esp dr. tay haha.

he gave me four injections, one at each part of my mouth. was a little like ant bite, a little more painful, though i have to say that such pains are more bearable after i received numerous ant bites from OBS. he gave me a bigger dose after it went a little more numb. anesthetic gives you a weird feeling, you touch your mouth, but it feels like its swollen, but actually its perfecly normal. =/

during the extraction, he like rotated my teeth a little, pulled and pulled and i could actually hear the cracking sound of my teeth being removed. so sad, to have to "kill" four perfectly healthy teeth. =( i'm sorry lord, this is all i can say: "in vanity, i destroy something you gave me so perfect."
the other side of teeth are like the pincers of the crab, so weird looking. when you were younger they looked nicer. =/ well it all ended pretty fast, and it cost me $270. WHAT THE. =( $60 for each tooth, $5 for each anesthetic applied, $10 for painkillers. $60 dollars one tooth leh, might as well pluck myself. even binny's dad charges $50 only. -.-

while i was sitting at the waiting area under observation, i heard another doctor speak to the receptionist about something owing money or sth. they say until like aiyo, never mind, don't need ot pay. i was like, $60 also no need pay? crazy leh.
dentists are super rich, mind you. -.-

wanted to have CCA, so went back, but qian wen refused to let my play coz she say later will hurt alot. well i shall trust her. =)

so now im back, typing this, watching 洛神 haha. i love 蔡少芬. =)
the next post i shall probably post when the pain is unbearable haha.

#23 Attitudes

2009-03-16T21:40:00.003+08:00

People are like this - they see what they lack but they don't treasure what they have. sometimes the things that they have are actually what others yearn for. why be so calculating of every single thing? Does being envious of things that other people have make you happier? No, in fact it makes you cry, it makes you want to kill yourself to attain what you cannot possibly get.
Many a time i wonder why God didnt create everyone with equal IQ, equal beauty, equal everything. well, i guess God gives different blessings to different people, though of equal weightage. talented people die faster, just look at beethoven and mozart. even though they may be prodigies, but their lives were full of hardship. Treasure what you have.
Anything i would like to remind oneself is that:
"Don't fret Sally, all will pass. Just know that once you overcome all these, there will be a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end of the rain. =) don't let go, cling on with all that you have. and i know that you have alot alot of potential and truly are a great leader and super nice student. though i can't say i can help you very much, just think of people who care about you. ;)i know i used to curse at you for being all emotional and stuff but well, ive learnt that people react differently - it doesnt mean that if you cry i have to cry, or that if you cry about everything and i don't cry and im mean and whatnot. =) i've been through many rough patches in life, but ive climbed back up. with goals, aspirations and hope, you can overcome all this difficulty and emerge stronger. i know im spamming your tagboard, but just to let you know, i care and i'll love you no matter what. :) if you feel like letting go, scream to me and i'll put a pot of boiling hot soup beneath you so that you won't dare to fall. xD with as much love as she can amass, eva. ;)"

i love you Sally and to those who feel like they're being thrown off balance, i hope this can help. Tell yourself, once i surpass and climb through this tiny obstacle, all other greater obstacle courses will be an easy feat.

#22 Ballet,ballet,ballet

2009-03-11T23:28:00.001+08:00

oh i so love her! she's Polina Semionova. wonderful!

#21 爱得太迟

2009-03-10T22:12:00.004+08:00

It's always better late than never.
爱的太迟，无得挽救，一切都没有下一次，只等待我离开世界的那一天，爱自己，是我唯一的选择。但。。。
日夜做见妈妈刚好想呻
却霎眼看出她多了皱纹
而她的苍老感是从来未觉太内疚担心
最心痛是爱得太迟

有些心意不可等某个日子
盲目地发奋忙忙忙其实自私
梦中也习惯有压力要我得知
最可怕是爱需要及时
只差一秒心声都已变历史
忙极亦放肆见我爱见的双至
要抱要吻要怎么也好
偏要推说等下一次
[爱得太迟]

爱一个字也需要及时
只差一秒心声都己变历史
为忙而放肆
见我爱见的双至
要抱要吻要怎么也好
不要相信一切有下次
相拥我所爱又花几多秒
这几秒能够做到又有多少
未算少足够遗憾忙掉

人人在发奋想起她朝都兴奋
但今晚未过你要过也很吸引
纵不信运你不过是人
理想很远爱于咫尺却在等
来日别操心趁你有能力开心
世界有太多东西发生
不要等到天上俯瞰

#20 Happy Birthday Shiyan!

2009-03-01T18:11:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEELEE SHEESHEE YANNYANN!
"happy birthday leelee! =) i hope youre having fun in your new class. must jiayou for council and OM and for everything that goes your way (and have worked so very hard for!) Don't forget that you can always roll your eyes at me or chide me sarcastically when youre feeling low!Don't let anything stress you out kkay! =) jiayou! evakong loves you!"
"thank you my dear kong kong! :) me misses you!"

HAHAHAHAHAH i miss you too shi yannnnn. its still very freaky how we sat together during french last time nad ended up sitting together with each other again in the next term haha. =))))))))

*hands you a piece of cake*

#19 Home and Daddy sick

2009-02-22T22:52:00.002+08:00

No matter how many times I tell daddy that I miss him, he doesn't seem to care. I asked him back whether he missed me. He said no. Well, with his newly found _ _, I don't think he'll care about me THAT much will he? hahahahaha.
I live in Singapore. I have a house in Singapore. But I live in boarding school. So that Daddy won't have to worry about my homework and my food and whatnot. Fine. But I still miss home. Every week I yearn to go back home, yet each weekend I go back almost always ends up as a disappointment or in tears.
Love me, will you? I might not be as fragile as a china doll but I'm fast running out of scotch tape for my heart.

#18 Acknowledgements

2009-02-22T21:49:00.002+08:00

I was eating in a pizza hut restaurant today. I met a girl who was my junior in primary school but is two years older than me. She was the waitress, I was the customer. My dad wanted a cup of warm water. She walked past. I told my dad I knew her. She came to take my dad's order. I ignored her as I thought they weren't supposed to talk to customers, as in casual chatting. I was wrong. My dad said, why didnt you say hi. I told him my rationale. He said i had better say hi. I said hi when she walked past. After she left, my dad asked, why didnt you ask how are you? I told him i didnt see the need to. She's busy, I said. My dad says its basic respect as curtesy. She comes over with the water and asked how i was. I made some small talk. less than 30s. My dad is displeased. He thinks that because im the customer and she's the waitress, therefore i am putting on airs and refusing to acknowledge her. I told him I'm not having that kind of mentality. He says, "I shall never know whether that's true or not." I say its not true.
He starts telling me about the need to say hello. I tell him its because i dont want to disturb her.He doesn't believe him. I say okay, think all you want of me. He is furious. He raises his voice at me in the restaurant. a few people turn and look. he says 面是人家给你的，架是自己丢的。I keep quiet. He's already furious with me about my spending habits. I want to cry. I resist. I must be strong, I tell myself. Stop being so irritatingly sensitive. Dad tells me to go back to boarding school myself. I murmur a goodbye. He doesn't even look at me. He walks away. Tears fill my eyes, but I shan't allow them to fall. However, inevitably, a tear forms a stream down my scarred face. I let it go. I try hard to resist, for people are staring, like I'm a girl who just got dumped. Is it that hard to control my emotions. I want to control my tears. 我要做个女强人。It's not easy. Guys are useless. Marriage has no meaning. As I always say, I want a wedding without a marriage. I hate babies. I see a mum with her son who has a disability, Down's syndrome or something. I feel so useless and unsympathetic. I feel so inferior. Go and die, I tell myself. Go and meet mummy. God, please kill me. Strike me with lightning. Just let me die. I've had enough of this world. I know you'll give me back whatever 委屈you have let me suffer. But I don't have enough energy, enough strength to wait for that day. I'm hyperventilating. If I jump, I'll go to hell. I can't eat. If someone kills me, I go to heaven. So someone, please kill me. I'm willing to die.

#17 Money-waster

2009-02-22T21:45:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone, my name is money-waster. I spend a whole deal of money every month, every day, every minute. my dad doesn't like it, I dont want to either. I'm really not sure what the money is spent on, where the money goes. 550 dollars spent in one month. excluding allowance money of 150 dollars. you suck,evakong. Go and die. the world would be a better place without you. I'm hyperventilating again.

I've made up my mind. I shan't eat in school. Just feed on breakfast and dinner at boarding school. Skip lunch and snacks. You eat, 45kg. Dont eat, 45 kg. then dont eat la! save money somemore. then I wont use money at all. bring 2 dollars to school. =) I can do it. I don't actually care.

Simon LongHair, can I take drugs too? Please?

#16 Imperfections, inadequacy, incompetency

2009-02-22T21:35:00.003+08:00

Parents support their children. Father praises daughter. Normal right?
It doesn't happen. some people just dont have the good fortune. I had my vocal performance at Braddell CC yesterday. I know my mouth and my lips get a little weird when i sing. 我知道我的功力不足够。I know i suck. But dont you know that i CARE? Call me sensitive, but after what happened, I sort of react to every single little thing that you do or say. Call me stupid. but that's my way of trying to understand you, trying to love you, trying to achieve what mummy told me to do before her death. Yes, being a guy, you may be more straightforward but can't you sense my sensitivity? Can't you tell that I care about what you say to me? what you think about me? what you expect from me? Can i choose my character, my personality? If it were the past, mummy would step in to stop us from arguing. I guess we're just two on the extreme ends, one too straightforward, one too sensitive.

Dont expect so much from me. or you'll find my carcass lain beside an animal even worthier to bury than me.

#15 190208

2009-02-19T21:09:00.003+08:00

the words "i love you" mean a lot. i seem to have forgotten its meaning,simply uttering it to any living soul i see. I said my first "i love you" to Mummy. I shall always remember. I shall always remember the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the guilt and the regret which have masked my life for the past 2 years. I've fought though, through that misty haze where i cannot even see my own hands, and all i hear are my footsteps, prodding on and on, and the heavy downpours which halt me in my path.
19.02.08. people give dates, they state it for remembrance. I dedicate this day to my dearest mummy, who left me the same day last year, at 1748. No one knows why God took her away and brought her back to heaven, but it certainly made me mature and grow. it would never have been possible, seeing that I was quite a spoilt little git. It was the time when i put all my trust in God for the first time and allowed God into my heart to lead my way. I thank God, for Nicholas Chuan, Leem Jeeyen, Xu Jing Ying, Lim Xin Tong, See Long and Michelle for always being there for me, leading me to set foot on the right path, telling and advising me that I must always believe in God.
I truly believe. God has a reason for everything he does and I will trust and believe and keep faith.
To the Lord, I pray that you will have 世界末日faster so that I can meet Mummy again.

I miss you Mummy, but I shall be strong. There's no use wallowing, thinking there's no purpose in life. I know, once I fulfill the purpose God has for me on this Earth, I will be together with you again.

These words seem so little, but I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST MUMMY!

love, eva.

#14 Sick Everytime I Want to Get Something Right

2009-02-18T08:32:00.002+08:00

why am i sick AGAINNNNNNNN. i really cannot stand it. first its flu, then its diarrhea. if i could chose i really want to go to school! but i keep shitting. must be that delifrance butter croissant. kill me. and bang im dead. no need to be sick, no need to miss school. now my roommate has flu and im on the verge of having so too. hah. who says immunity works? it doesn't. and i dislike churning stomachs.

#13 Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

2009-02-14T23:23:00.001+08:00

I VOW TO PROTECT MY DADDY FROM ANY HARM FOREVER. =) and ever. and ever. I love you too much, daddy. =)

#12 Send Me a Valentine!

2009-02-14T22:05:00.002+08:00

yoyo! im officially in love with amanda lim jia ying and gong yuan and jody lim. a little of jessy and xujingying, but mroe of hugs ahha. hershey's hugsssssss. Vday was horribly normal. had cca in the morning. libin said i chou lian. i went around giving ferrero rocher and hershey's hugs. people dont know fererro rocher is called 金沙 in chinese! *gasp*
went to west mall and ate pastamania. i swear i was hungry to bits by then. had combo A whcih consisted of a soup, garlic bread and 16oz drink. main dish spicy crayfish which wasnt spicy at all. until i added a little too much tobasco. heh. gy bet her life that i cant finish teh food. i finished it before she did!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha and her meal's came first and its smaller than mine! xD you owe me a life gy! you had better wish that youre a cat so that you have nine lives. one for each time you make an unwise bet.hoho. after that went to library and borrowed 4 books. chick flicks heh.
went back and helped my dad transpose his score so that he can play it on his flute. i kinda dislike 简谱. hard to read la.
went ot toa payoh to eat jap food. quite nice. came back all tired and i havent done any homework. jiayou eva! you can do itttttttttttt.

#11 Kaleidos09e

2009-02-14T21:58:00.004+08:00

hellllllooooooo.
I should say kaleidosc09e was a BLAST! my toes had blisters while walking the guests in before the start of the real investiture itself. and my stockings had holes from dancing in them. during walking in it was suddenly super painful. it kills to sit without moving for so long. but im glad it all turned out well. my arms were like so strained i felt super tired. my back nearly broke. and i smiled like i had botox or sth. -.-
luckily i didnt mess up when it was my turn to get my badge! xD
the dance was cool! I kind of dont mind changing in front of people anymore despite the fact that i have no qian mian. Libin said that I looked like i very bushuang when i was dancing wild wild west. but in fact i was trying to smile. =( i think upside down was the best! WHOOOOOOOOOO.
reception after that. nick chuan congratulated me and i said congratulations back. oops. i didnt even realize until he told me. i was talking to someone else okay! then come and interrupt. and i still think that he's wearing contacts. it looks like it. i am very sure. >: (
i was supposed to take saint andrews sec sch for sch tour, but YILIN AND HANYI STOLE MY SCHOOL! >: ( saw them halfway while wandering around the school. im SO GOING TO REPAINT SAC. pfft.
had mini-celebration in KAP. for jo's bday. hoho. i still havent paid steph nor PSL fund. good going eva. applessssssssssss rock. sounds abit childish though. but its nice! =)))))))))
went back to bs before curfew as i was with steph. slept like nobody's business. my roomie still likes to put her laptop on my bed for some weird reason. -.-

#10 Busy Missy Me

2009-02-01T01:37:00.008+08:00

I cannot believe how much HOMEWORK i have. Do teachers actually realize how much i have on hand? its like 1.30 in the morning, but im not tired. slept from 4pm to 10pm just now. The past few days have been crazy.

Firstly, HONG KONG was FABULOUS. I bought 4 pieces of Ki.La.Ra. clothes. I especially like the new jacket, cause there were little fluff balls hanging from the hood and the hood is lined with fluff too! =)=) I MUST wear it for church tomorrow. Plus I bought this hello kitty handbag and another camera bag (also hello kitty). It's like super ladylike, not like what you all think, all childish and everything. Plus Ki.La.Ra is expensive. =( like for that jacket it cost like 500 HK dollars. do the math. DADDY IS SO NICE HAHAHAHAH. I got alot of HONGBAO too! $800 worth of it. (I think i lost the hongbao that daddy gave me. hopefully he sees it and doesnt think that its another one of his normal hongbaos. =P i don't know when i'll get to go HK again, cause im going for BSP in Sept?

Secondly, I am SICK. with the flu. cause vain me didnt want to wear an extra layer of clothes in hongkong when it was cold. i was sniffing all the way on the plane back, and it cost my ear to hurt alot when the plane took off and landed cos the air cannot circulate properly. my ear still hurts. I was too sick and tired to get out of bed on wed, cause i only reached home at 2. guess what, missed wednesday's school, get killed by homework. because teachers seem to think that since you enjoyed cny, come back and face reality.

Thirdly, YANGLAOSHI broke her leg. so sad. but she ended up making us do compo for one day, zuo wen for another, and sihan for the next. -.- fine lor. make me die. finally finished everything today.

Fourth, I loved soup, love soup and shall love soup FOREVER! utter randomness. Flam in my throat totally stops me from speaking and breathing properly. and my nose is still blocked. haiz, i have to stop eating so many sweets, chocolates and drinking coke.

Lastly, I would like to express my utter LOVE for

NYSL INVESTITURE 2009

dance and montage and everything. =)

jiayou everyone, this invest shall be the best EVER! =)

i shall go continue doing homework. that thing about finishing homework was fake. pfft.

#8 I can't lie

2009-01-22T21:46:00.004+08:00

Dear God,

I'm sorry. I'm willing to atone to all my mistakes. Willing to cast aside all my jealousy, all my evil. Sin has got the better of me, and Satan almost killed my faith in you. Please cast punishment for all that I have done wrong. Lord, thank you for placing Nicholas and Jeeyen beside me, reminding me of your love through the faith they have in you. I know i love you, and that all that misery i have will soon all disappear. God, I'm troubled and you listen. God, I'm overwhelmed and you clear away all my worries. God, you give me food, shelter and clothes even when the sky turns dark. words cannot express my gratitude, for they are only figures, pictures. you are abstract, but you are a comfortable presence. God, i thank you for waking me up before i sunk deeper into the hands of Satan. help me with my work, i need you. please do not forsake me. for you loved me so much you sent me your only son, i plead to you to live in me. never leave me again in sorrow. I want so much to hug Mummy, where are you? that startling presence, my name i hear when i sin, is too much for me to bear. Thank you lord. thankyou. a million times. for giving me all that i have. Please dont brush me aside for me being incoherent. thank you for giving me ability to write.

In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen

#7 MISS NO GOOD

2008-12-05T16:58:00.001+08:00

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVEEEEEEEE

DEAN FUJIOKA

#6 Birthday!

2008-11-30T22:50:00.001+08:00

hellllllllooooooooo. michelle's here and it's my birthday!

shall edit later. facebooking is fun. plucking weedssssssss.

#5 BSP interview

2008-11-26T21:52:00.003+08:00

finished watching 还珠格格 3 today. its cool! yesterday night i was still sobbing from the plight of xiaoyanzi. she's so poor thing. horrible zhihua. she should never have appeared.

i hate fevers. like TOTALLY! especially because they always appear before days that are important. like the 3rd block test, and stuff. haiz.

well, BSP interview today. didnt know how to go, therefore cabbed there. then when i reached i realized that wangqing was at school as well! i should have cabbed with her. then both of us would only need to pay 3 bucks each.

im currently in love with chinese! help? I love how xiaoyanzi speaks chinese!
~~not those PRC scholars~~

BSP interview was okay. reached at 1pm when my time was 3pm. -.- wangqing, jingying and i took the MOE toilet as our vanity box! =)

i went in at 2.30pm, surprise,surprise. the first asked me why my english name was different from my chinese one. then they asked me what was on my badge. then they asked me what i was doing during the holiday. said i was watching movies, reading, attending co practices. CO CAMP!!!!!!!!!! dont really remember what they asked. i only knwo that my mind was blank when i came out. -.- (xujingying i DID NOT TAKE 20 MINUTES FOR THE INTERVIEW.)dohdohdoh.

ive been wasting too much time these few weeks, fretting over this interview!

i do hope i get it! please god, i really want it. but if its not your will, i just have to appease myself.

CLASS CHALETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, IM COMING!

#4 Too much fun and trouble

2008-11-24T20:10:00.006+08:00

wow! went out with gongyuan today!

firstly, i would like to kill gongyuan because she drained my phone battery by calling me 31 times!
~~okay,can't blame her, i couldnt wake up.~~
i woke up when ren jia min called me! hoho.

then had terrible stomachache after bathing and packing my stuff to go back to bs.

i hate bs.

we went to eat KIM GARY HAHAHAHAHAHAAH. i still think my rice was nicer than gongyuan's.ate the stone pot japanese rice, while gong yuan ate the twin sauce pork chop baked rice. its not bad actually, the baked rice, just that i ate at "the peak" yesterday night and am too bloated from hong kong stuff. =P

after we ate kim gary, we went to play ARCADE! okay, i know its bad, and we spent quite alot of money too! i still owe gy money. -.-

we decided parapara was boring, so we went to west mall to play DDR!!!!!!!!!!
its quite fun actually, never played before though. its really nice! but im not addicted. gy is. hoho. and she is the one who lives 5 minutes from west mall.

i love you gy.
~~shit, BSP interview in a day. I really want it alotalot. but i cant do it alone! God, please help me. I really want this scholarship!~~

#3 Dancing embraces

2008-11-22T21:40:00.002+08:00

When I Dance

When I dance,

I forget all the troubles,

like everything's good.

When I dance,

I strive for perfection,

like everything's new.

When I dance,

I free myself,

from reality.

When I dance,

I enjoy myself,

for simply being there.

When I dance,

I am me.

By: Joany Macaroni

#2 Changed

2008-11-22T04:12:00.000+08:00

I've finally composed my blog. i dont really want to sleep. i just want to dance and play the piano and cello. and sing sometimes. good night. i dont know when i'm coming back. bye. don't miss me.

#1 Return to the past

2008-11-22T02:40:00.001+08:00

a new page.
for me to start afresh. too much has happened these two years.
Im not very sure why i suddenly have a desire to blog. does it even matter? no one would even see it anyway.
It's hard keeping secrets from friends. sometimes i wish everything had never happened. but then i wont be me.
The "me" i know has resilience and maturity, but the lack of self confidence i own forces me to mask myself upon this joke.

I am not as cheery as you know me to do. I have emotions. I cry. I laugh, yes, at times, but no one will ever know. I've wasted too much time. Too much yearn. So much that i forget to treasure the love that others have given me. Why do I whine? Why do i abuse myself. Why dont i know how to love. Why dont i feel. I havent cried about anything for a very long time; its only when i think about the regret i have. Anything else in this world is trivial.

I've made my stand clear. I despise those who are easily emotional. What knowledge do they have; what maturity, to understand the depth of this world, to realize that there are much more meaningful things in these world to cry about.

It's not like we'll never meet again - how about someone whom you'll never see again in your life? what if i feel like dying right now and going to meet her? i hate you. soemtimes i really want to hit you. or make your kin die. so that you'll finally understand whats worth crying about. You're such a idiot. Why cry about something that isn't worthy enough for you to cry? Isnt there a bigger picture for you to cry about? GROW UP!

i'm tired. will i ever have faith? enough to keep me going? I want you to love me again. Sometimes, i wake up in the middle of the night and wish that you were there, sleeping right behind me. I hug my my teddy that Auntie Irene gave her, and i cry even harder. I know she has left me for so long, but i still want to treasure whatever memories i have of her. Time passes, and it drains my memory. I hold on to the shreds of memories i have. Memories of her giving, me receiving, never the other way round. Why was i so harsh on her? Why was i so unwilling? Why was i so childish? But now I've matured. And i'll never be the same again.

封神榜真的好好看。好喜欢范冰冰。她长得非常漂亮，标准的瓜子脸，杏仁型的大眼睛、挺秀的鼻子、花瓣一样的嘴唇，才貌双全，亭亭玉立。有时候好希望自己能像她一样，但我明白我因对上帝给予我的一切满足，毕竟我也不是那么难看呀。我四肢健全，会跳舞、弹琴、拉大提琴、唱歌。。。又有一个不错的家庭背景。我到底在想什么？为什么我这么不满足？我希望自己是苏妲己，虽然被千年九尾狐俯身，到最终还是回到了爱人身边。我想死，但爸爸怎么办！我不能撇下他不管呀！神呀！把我就出来吧！我很我自己，和自己到一种无人能比的程度。我到底该怎么办！我好想学习优秀，但却有谁来叫我呢？

I embrace, but my heart is empty? Knockknock, who's there? It's a cold winter city.